guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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