now i know why i became what i already was.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
