Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
