Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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