last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
