You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My Higher Power is John Stamos
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
