His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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