coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
