last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
