I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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