tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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