there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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