Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
