You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
