"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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