ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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