I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
