How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
