the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
