she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
