You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
