Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
