Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
