be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
