My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
