If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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