mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
