Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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