You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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