he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
