Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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