My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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