Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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