I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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