So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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