Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You ate ashes out of my bong
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
