Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
