everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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