My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
