We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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