Swine flu. Run for my life!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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