Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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