I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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