Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
