got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
