There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
