im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
