Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
