I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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