i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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