I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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