She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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