I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
