no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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