Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
