i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
