Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
