i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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