i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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