So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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