I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have already put on my inside pants.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
